Resistance in Therapy
Resistance: Why It Happens and How It Can Help You Heal
Starting therapy is a courageous step. Yet, it’s completely normal to find yourself feeling hesitant, skeptical, or even resistant at times. If you’ve ever wondered why you sometimes pull back in therapy-or why you might avoid certain topics or even cancel appointments-you’re not alone. In fact, what therapists call “resistance” is a very common and understandable part of the healing process (Norcross & Wampold, 2018).
Let’s explore what resistance really means, why it happens, and how it can actually be a sign of growth and self-protection.
What Is “Resistance” in Therapy?
The word “resistance” might sound negative, but in therapy, it simply describes any hesitation or reluctance you feel about talking, trying new things, or making changes. Early psychologists like Freud described resistance as an unconscious way of protecting yourself from painful memories or feelings (Freud, 1914). Today, therapists see resistance as a natural response-your mind and body’s way of keeping you safe while you navigate new territory (Miller & Rollnick, 2013).
How Does Resistance Show Up?
Resistance can look different for everyone. You might notice yourself:
Feeling uncomfortable or silent during sessions
Avoiding certain topics or emotions
Arriving late, canceling, or rescheduling appointments
Doubting whether therapy will work for you
Not completing “homework” or exercises between sessions
Feeling defensive, cynical, or wanting to argue
Focusing on small talk instead of deeper issues (Norcross & Wampold, 2018)
If any of these sound familiar, know that you’re not doing anything wrong. These are all normal ways of coping with the vulnerability that therapy can bring.
Why Does Resistance Happen?
There are many reasons you might feel resistant in therapy, including:
1. Fear of Change
Change-even positive change-can feel scary. Your mind might worry about what will happen if you let go of old habits or beliefs (Miller & Rollnick, 2013).
2. Past Trauma
If you’ve experienced trauma or difficult relationships, opening up to someone new can feel risky. It’s natural to want to protect yourself from being hurt again (Herman, 2015).
3. Cultural or Family Beliefs
Sometimes, cultural or family values shape how comfortable you feel with therapy. You might have learned that talking about feelings isn’t “normal” or that asking for help is a sign of weakness (Sue & Sue, 2016).
4. External Pressure
If you’re in therapy because someone else wants you to be, rather than because you chose it yourself, you might feel less motivated to participate (Miller & Rollnick, 2013).
5. Fear of Vulnerability
Sharing your true thoughts and feelings can feel risky. You might worry about being judged or rejected (Brown, 2012).
How Can Resistance Be Helpful?
Believe it or not, resistance can be a sign that you’re protecting yourself in the best way you know how. It can also be a clue that you’re approaching something important-something that, when you’re ready, could lead to real healing (Norcross & Wampold, 2018).
Therapists don’t see resistance as a flaw. Instead, they view it as valuable information about what you need to feel safe and supported. By noticing and talking about your resistance, you and your therapist can work together to create a pace and approach that feels right for you (Rogers, 1957).
What Can You Do If You Notice Resistance?
Here are some gentle steps you can take if you notice yourself feeling resistant:
Talk About It: Let your therapist know what you’re experiencing. Sharing your doubts or fears can actually make therapy more effective (Rogers, 1957).
Go at Your Own Pace: There’s no rush. Healing isn’t a race, and you get to decide what feels safe to share and when.
Be Curious, Not Critical: Try to notice your resistance without judging yourself. Ask yourself: “What might I be protecting myself from?”
Set Small Goals: Sometimes, focusing on one small step at a time can make things feel more manageable (Norcross & Wampold, 2018).
Remember, You’re Not Alone: Many people experience resistance in therapy. It’s a normal part of the process.
A Final Word
If you find yourself resisting therapy, know that it’s not a sign of failure. It’s a sign that you’re human. By bringing curiosity and compassion to your own experience, you can use resistance as a guide-helping you and your therapist understand what you need to feel safe, supported, and empowered on your healing journey.
Therapy is a partnership, and your feelings are always welcome in the room-including your doubts and hesitations. Together, you and your therapist can turn resistance into a powerful tool for growth.
References
Brown, B. (2012). Daring Greatly. Gotham Books.
Freud, S. (1914). Remembering, Repeating and Working-Through. Standard Edition, 12, 147-156.
Herman, J. L. (2015). Trauma and Recovery. Basic Books.
Miller, W. R., & Rollnick, S. (2013). Motivational Interviewing: Helping People Change (3rd ed.). Guilford Press.
Norcross, J. C., & Wampold, B. E. (2018). Relationships and responsiveness in the psychological treatment of trauma: The tragedy of the APA Clinical Practice Guideline. Psychotherapy, 55(4), 372–380.
Rogers, C. R. (1957). The necessary and sufficient conditions of therapeutic personality change. Journal of Consulting Psychology, 21(2), 95–103.
Sue, D. W., & Sue, D. (2016). Counseling the Culturally Diverse: Theory and Practice (7th ed.). Wiley.
